Ambiguous loss is very common, and yet many people have never heard this term!
Ambiguous loss is when an individual experiences grief or sadness about a loss that is not associated with the actual death of a loved one. It is commonly experienced when we witness a person we care about losing their cognitive abilities or becoming profoundly ill. We can also experience ambiguous loss during a breakup or divorce, in anticipation of or after a move, or when a close friend or family member falls out of contact with us. Any loss where the person might still be alive but is not there for us in the way we are used to is an ambiguous loss.
One of my scopes of practice is bereavement. As a therapist, I do not believe that bereavement only meets death. I know from my work and training that grief can be complicated. Sometimes, a loved one is sick for many years before their physical body passes. Other times, a life event that can be dismissed by the world as “no big deal” – such as a friend break up – hits extremely hard. Every situation is different, just like every person is different.
Please know that emotions that arise as a result of ambiguous loss are valid! And, with that, oftentimes the grief we experience from ambiguous loss parallels the grief others experience when there is a death. There can be anger, depression, bargaining, and denial – just like with death.
This is not to discount the gravity of death. The point I want to highlight is that we all experience grief differently. It’s okay to feel your feelings. I hope that this post helps you find some additional words to process any difficult emotions.